The Salamander

In one of my posts in the Man Blog I said something to the effect that I think God is a cunt because I think I could do a better job at running things had I been given omnipotence. While that line was constructed for maximum shock value, my real feelings about the matter isn’t really too far off. If I die in my sleep tonight and wake up facing my Creator, He’s got a squeaky wheel to take care of.

So, does that mean I believe in God? While I have no use for organized religion and have had no use for it since I was in high school, yes I do believe in God. A lot of times, however, I suspect I only believe because if there wasn’t a God out there then there is no fucking point to anything I’ve done and will ever do. No God, no soul, no afterlife. Even if I’m remembered for my works in the history of the human race for ten thousand years, I won’t be around to enjoy it. Not even as a ghost/psychic impression/whatever. When I’m trying to be painfully honest to myself, I ask myself if I only believe in God because I don’t what to face the truth that we’re all screwed and we’re just deluding ourselves that we’re okay.

Now, about organized religion. As I said, I have no need for it. And when I was younger I despised it. Recently, however, I’ve started seeing its value in human society. You see, most religions are basically good. The bad ones don’t last. Sure, there were a lot of bad eggs who preyed on ignorance even in good religions. Yet the actions of bad men do not necessarily make the aspirations of a religion bad. All good religions want each human being to have a good, rewarding life. The nasty side-effects come from bigotry, hegemony, and other big words. In short, human weaknesses. Weaknesses that are strangely contagious. A bigoted pastor can make a docile flock rabid. Hey, I never said religion wasn’t dangerous in the wrong hands. Yet the potential danger of religious power can be checked by education and information. If your priest or high juju wants to keep you in the dark, odds are he’s a bad man. If, however, he encourages discussion and the exchange of ideas, chances are he’s shooting damn straight. Faith without education is just as bad as education without faith in something… anything. An ignorant faithful has a tendency to blow up a church full of people in the name of Allah. A faithless intellectual has a tendency to make himself a god who’s got all the answers to the world’s ills if we would all just join his fucking revolution. Education and faith. Checks and balances.

Some of you may be objecting: the bad religions don’t survive? Those that do survive are basically good?  What the fuck about Satanism? Damn thing is still around and that is anything but good!

Yeah, sure it’s basically good. Just look at The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth:

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
   If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
4. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.
5. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
6. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
7. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
8. Do not harm little children.
9. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
10. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

It looks nasty because we were conditioned to see anything related to Satan as anti-life, anti-good, and anti-whatever it is that warms the cockles of your heart. Take away all references to Satan and I’m sure you’ll agree that most of it looks pretty sound. Never mind that most Satanic churches are just a couple of snotty teenagers trying to look cool or a handful of aging hippies whose brains have been addled by too much drugs. Order of Azazel my funny little asshole. Also, Satanism has been around for only what? Forty years at most? Even Wicca is just a few decades older, their claims of being older than Christianity notwithstanding. What, I make a claim that my gods are the animals that cavemen have been painting on their walls and suddenly my religion is older than history? That’s as ridiculous as Felix Manalo claiming that his is the true Church of Christ as was written in the Bible because he’s the first one to have received a copyright to the name. But I’m getting off topic. Suffice to say, these newfangled religions are toddlers compared to the grand old toga parties of Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, etc. And the odds against Wicca, Satanism, New Age, Scientology, etc. aren’t good to begin with.

In the end, though, if God exists, the only gauge He has on judging you is your personal moral code and not whatever sacred scriptures your culture tried to shove down your throat when you were growing up. The Bible, the Torah, the Koran… sacred scriptures, while generally inspiring, are full of plot holes the size of lunar craters. You think God would equip his most beloved creatures on earth with instruction manuals that, instead of getting us to heaven, get us to kill each other? There is no instruction manual, morons. That should be obvious. You’re here to live your life the best way you can. And even if you don’t, I don’t think you’ll find the Pearly Gates closed to your weary spirit. You’ll probably feel like a dumb fuck for a little while, though; but that isn’t as bad as being in Hell, right?

Hell, now that is a concept that has fucked the human race since time immemorial. Hell and the Devil.

This was inspired by one of the threads in the Man Blog Forum.