I woke up today with an epiphany. I am not cool. I am so not cool in fact that dogs and little children suffer seizures when they are around me for too long. And because you are reading this blog, you are seriously endangering your innate coolness as well. Because this blog is not cool. If your friends find you reading this blog they will drag you out into the street and beat you to the fucking sidewalk. In Third World countries, people get pushed against a wall and shot for just looking at my blog. THAT would be cool if not for the fact that it is bullshit. No one reads this blog. Not even you. Because you are just a figment of my imagination. Which is uncool. Peewee Herman uncool. No, I am not cool at all.
